Never neverland

It used to be this. I almost forgot the feeling.

There is this dream, where I was in a room. I am a child in this white room. The whole place was bright. The most pleasantly brightened room. It has the white of the clouds. Light seems just to radiate, illuminate the room. The way I imagined how heaven would be. I would experience the most wonderful feelings there. A magical place where I escape to, where only I can go to, where it waits alway for me. Where its existence is for me alone. A special secret place hidden away. Where I can be in perfect harmony.

This is those dreams where even when dreaming, you know it is a dream. Yet the place seemed not to be just a dream. That room is very real to me. As if it is a magical secret place hidden away, and dreaming is the way to get back into that room. The recurring nature of this dream allows me to make frequent visits to this room.

I cannot remember it in details now. Its has been quite a while since I last visited that place. There may have been people in the room, little guards of some sort, companions maybe, because I know I never felt lonely in that dream. A sense of enchantment. Enchanting quiet joy. Peaceful, nature like. I think there were a few rows of toys, simple toys that would line on the shelf on the wall. I do think there is someone beside the shelf, on the left hand corner, against the perpendicular wall that runs beside the shelf. I was allowed to take my pick.

Everything was perfect. I was perfect. A child with his toy. Oblivious to everything else. It feels almost like a glimpse of heaven. Perfect tranquility. I sat on the whitish floor and played with the toy. Chilling comfortable floor. Marble like. Beautiful floor. I think it was a red toy train, but I can't be sure. It feels like a train.

It may be in my grandmother's house. Within it this secret room was hidden. Beneath it I think. The dream will begin to end when I start hearing voices from outside, echoing across the rooms. Its time to go. A feeling swept through my heart. When the dreaming first started, I couldn't recognize the feeling I had felt. I was probably 13 then. But I do recognize the emotion now. It was the inarticulate feeling of sadness. I will come to a small passageway flanked by two guards. One on each side of the entrance. They were in white too. I looked at them but they did not look back. They just kept looking on ahead. Just 3 steps into the tunnel there was a toilet on the right. It has no doors. I will hurry into the toilet, and sitting on the toilet lid, I wonder if flushing is the right procedure to get transported out of the place. I would search my memory of the previous time I had this dream. How did I do it the previous time. Yes it was the flushing that will transport me to the toilet in my grandmother's house. The last part of this dream. Soon it will end and I will wake. I hope no ones in that toilet now.

I would then flush the toilet, somehow get sucked into it, and be transported to my grandmother's house. Soon after I will wake from the dream, feeling happy.

It has been awhile since I last dreamt of that. I wonder if that has to do with my growing up. The losing of my sense of awe. I do actually miss that dream however. To experience that lovely place once again.