Results

It must have been around 8am when my phone ringed. I should have turn off the ring of the phone. It is those pesky phone in which, in intervals will keep on ringing, until something is done about it. I wondered if I had staggered out of my sleep, like what I used to always do. Yet staggering suggest a struggle between sleep-reality, the trying to keep awake. It would be more accurate to describe it as a state of semi-comatose. Boundaries blurred, and dreams seemed more real than reality. Forms may become less concrete, and time becomes distorted, yet within the dream itself, it almost make perfect sense. The forming of a complete whole through imperfect parts, this consummate child of my fallible mind.

I dreamt that I did badly in my exams. Grades that were similar to last year. Mediocrity leaves a bad after-taste. The shattering of lofty dreams, the wavering of spirit, perharps the eroding of hope. The fall back to reality slap.better to reign in hell then serve in heaven. This was my final push. If I were to fail now, again, will I be able to muster more strength and courage to try again? A silent, almost resolute voice within myself seems to whisper yes. There is this tenacity about the human spirit. Still it will be cruel to go that way, that weary path of agonizing defeat. My well trodden path for the past 3 months.

It was dreadful watching myself do badly. The suspense before the unfolding of results, the ecstatical mix of guarded hope and hopeful fear. The encouragement all anticipation brings. The suddenness of disappointment. The grappling with the truth, and the eventual sad pangs of failure. I don't think I have had the best of dreams.

I woke up relief. Its amazing how a dream can so quickly lower my expectation. Fell on my knees to pray

Hey I did well! Not the best of results, but almost there. Obtained AABB for the four subjects I took. A vast improvement from the previous semester, although still falling short of ambit. Well the ambitious knows no bounds. Still this ought to placate my restless heart for a couple of days. Phonecalls and messages from well-wishers came flooding in. It will continue to do so for the next few days. Im just glad this time round there is no longer the agony that i had felt previously. Im going out to play now.